Wednesday, May 25, 2005

The non-title blog of today.

Nothing really happened today other then waking up dehydrated and not wanting to move and wishing I could only have an I.V. But for those of you you may be wondering what OPSEC is. OPSEC is an acronym for Operational Security. Well maybe I'll have more later not much interesting right now.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

12 Hour Shifts and Military Pay

For the last week I guess (I've lost track of how long I've been in the middle of nowhere) I've been doing training for my up coming mission to Iraq of which I've been one night shift. Working 8 P.M. till 8 A.M. from time to time I may doze off but I do my best to stay awake with what I have. Which is this computer and a pack of ciggs (yea I know cancer cures smoking but I'm doing research to see if I get it from smoking). Any how. After I get off shift I have breakfast then I attempt to sleep in the triple digit heat on a cot. It's a pain in the ass! I usually get about 6 hours of sleep then I end up staring at the tent for 6 hours. Since I'm supposed to be in a field environment we don't have TV's and I can't sit on the computer all day either because of some need of work for others. So I usually end up layin there sweating my ass off listening to the music from my iPod. I only have 934 songs on it right now and I'm almost sick of everyone of them. But soon I'll be going to be getting out of this "field environment" and back to a so called civilization, in which I'll still be staring at a tent or perhaps a wall this time. Back to normal work days of 6 A.M. to 6 P.M. Yet everyone will expect me to be completely normal and not tired the first day when I'll be attempting to do a 24 hour shift with 12 hours boredom and 12 hours of insanity on 6 hours of sleep. All I have to say is if that happens please help the first person that says to me "You look tired, why?" Because depending on my mood I just may snap.

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On another note it's been 35 days that I've been taking prozac for my anger/stress/depression issues. I was told I would feel different but I really don't. So when I get back to civilization I'm going to see the doctor again and see what she has to say and weather or not to continue taking the medication. Well if I do continue taking this medication it'll continue to keep my ciggs tasting like crap and perhaps I'll quit again.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Being So Close Yet So Far

The reason for this title is because it's true. I'm back where I was when I was 18 all the way through 21. It's not that long of a time period but I do believe that I had learned a lot about myself. I miss those years in a way but in others not at all. If only there was a time machine or something like that I would try to change my ways as a young adult. Perhaps I would be more successful or at least on some kind of plan for the rest of my life and happy. But I don't have a plan for the rest of my life and I'm living on the fly right now. Just hoping and wishing I could be fortunate enough for a nice opportunity to fall into my lap. Then again I'm in the military and I'm going to Iraq. Thus, my life has been put on hold once again to serve the United States of America and it's people. I don't exactly mind that but with every deployment that happens I'm taken away from my civilian life (I'm in the National Guard) which in turn I'm not excelling. Well till next time........

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Today is Not a Good Day

I don't know why but it just seams that I want to give up. I don't give a shit about anything even myself right now. None of my thoughts seam to be being processed properly. I'm just thoughtless right now. I'm tired. Even though I slept almost all day. I want to sleep now. It helps make time go faster I assume. Perhapps I can sleep a year away. Maybe not wake up for year. I'm not hungry at all. I have to force myself to eat and drink. I think I'm going to attemp to take a little nap maybe I'll be better after I wake up.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Middle of No Where

I'm there right now. I have no cell phone service but I have an internet connection go figure. I'm probally going to be here for the next 8 or 9 days. on night shift THANK GOD!!! That is a blessing because if I have to deal with some of the bullshit durring the day I just might snap. I feel it getting closer almost every day but I'm continueing to hold it in and I do b elieve that I'm doing well. Any how time to check out other friends bloggs and see what's going on in their minds.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Goin' Back To Cali'

Yup for a month but training is going to be a problem and I'm not sure yet if I'm going to be getting any free time. But if I do I plan on seeing a few people I used to see everyday. Well off I go I have a plane to catch in a few hours.