Tuesday, August 30, 2005

YAY!

I have the internet in my room now. I can use AIM, Yahoo, MSN, and a bunch of other messengers to talk to people now. If you would like to chat leave your screen name in the comments area. That is until I figure out how to post links here in my blog.

Mr. Matt

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Blogsome is fun but...

I'm still having a hard time with it. I want to have my links set up like I have them here on this site. Yet when I enter them into the Add a Link and put them in their catagories there just going under links. I thought that the catagories would make sub-catagories under the links section. Then look like mine. Oh well I'm just going to have to download wordpress and make my own template after I get my HTML book of course.

Also the internet may take another day or 2. Hopefully not that long but it's looking that way.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

It's Official

Blogsome is confusing the hell out of me. I can't find where to log in and when I put in my address for blogsome it keeps sending me to their home page. I tried accessing their forums and it's telling me that the username and password aren't listed even for the many different passwords that I use I know that I've tried. I also attempted to sign up for a new blog with them yet it's telling me that the page naem I want to use is already used NO SHIT IT'S THE NAME OF THE BLOG I OPENED AND CAN'T ACCESS.

On another note: The internet will be up and running tomorow in my room. They are still tweeking the settings a little so that we get what we can out of it. Till then...

EDIT!!!! The net is not going to be up the base is too rickety to be on the roof out here due to the wind. We have to weld the base together tomorow to sturdy it up a bit then we'll be sand baggin it so that it dosen't knock it off the angle in which it's to sit. Till than.....

Mr. Matt

Thursday, August 25, 2005

BLAH BLAH BLAH

So yea, I ended up starting a blogsome blog. I'm going to have to play with that thing like crazy to get it the way that I want it to look. But one of these days this site will be changing to that site. Plus I was also checking out web hosting since I would like to start my own site and figured why not start it with my blog. Considering that I could use a host for my primary page then have multiple additional pages. Since I have this now and my music review blog now and I'm sure I'll come up with something else shortly it'll give me plenty of things to do to keep my mind occupied.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

DAMN Blogger!!!

I keep having the same trouble I'm adding stuff to my other blog and everytime I attempt to add something to the sidebar the damn server drops! This was happening yesterday and today. It's driving me nuts. I'm not totally sure if it's their server or my server but I hope it ends.

On another note: I whould have the internet hooked up in my room by the end of the week which will give me access to AIM, Yahoo, MSN, and what ever other messengers there are out there for me to use.

One more side note: Buddy is out in full effect around here. By Buddy I mean the little lizards I named them all Buddy why I have no idea. But every time I see one of them it puts a smile on my face. They are in their own world, they don't give a crap if your right next to them but they do run if you try to catch them, and they are just constantly chillin outside the doors near the lights so that they can catch bugs that are drawn to the light. So not only do they put a smile on my face but they also decrease the bug population that is here in Iraq tring to get into the buildings.

Well more later.

Mr. Matt

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Well as Some of You Know...

I started my own music review blog. The link is in the top left under about me. Now this is where I'm totally lost. I want people to comunicate with me on this blog about reviews, record companys ect.... I attempted to put my e-mail address in a link so that they could click and ta-da there's my e-mail address. How do I set that up on blogger in an HTML format? Well I figured it out with the help of a friend of mine.

I figured it out with the help of a friend. Thanks every one.

Yes I just purchaced an HTML Book so I won't have to ask to many more questions like this.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Last night.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all no matter how hard I tried to sleep it just wasn't happening. Between the thoughts of the day, past, and future I was a mess and some shit started going through my head so I started writing it down.

___________________________________
1:07 A.M. AUG 21, 2005

I'm writing these thoughts as they come to mind
For I have nothing left to hide
But I have plenty for them to find
I have no tears left the last it has been cried

The outside is awake, still alive
But the inside that has truly died
I'm laying awake trying to sleep
I swear to god I try

Suicide has crossed my mind
Just to kill off the outside
Because I know inside, inside I have died
The last tear has been cried

Some of you that read this will think I lost my mind
So please let me tell you, tell you my side

I've lost faith in god, life, and love
For god has forsaken me and the things I have done
Life is there but life is lost since my inside died
My life has left me knowing only anger, envy, and pride
Love is similar to life and god
You may believe that this sounds odd
Yet the truth I say
Love has lost another day
A piece of my heart was given to love
Yet love cast it away
Before my heart was thrown away
My inside lived another day
But since that day occurred
My inside died because of her.

The outside is still alive
But many day I wish it would die

One day it will match the inside
For the inside is what I hide
Deep within the shadows
Far away from the light
I can not keep it in a jar
On a shelf in plain sight

The inside had died
last tear has been cried
the outside is still alive
but inside I have died.

________________________________

I'm not that big on poetry but parts of this was going through my head for no apparent reason while I was trying to sleep. So I took the chance to write it down and put it on here.

Please no negative comments I have enough of that coming from me judging myself.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

...And Yet It Lingers

I've been pretty up beat the last few days but for some reason my "problem" has been slowly creeping up on me again. Today it struck me pretty good. All I feel like doing is finding a quiet spot where no one can bother me and letting my frustrations out. Since I'm in such a controlled environment finding a spot where no one can bother me is next to impossible. I know for a fact that if I happen to show the littlest sign of "letting out my frustrations" I'll be put up in the hospital for a few days and I will not see a promotion in rank due to my collapse. As a matter of fact I was told in a round about way that I will not be promoted if I collapse again (well in public). The last time that it had happened I was immediately sent to see a 'shrink' where she decided it would be a good idea to start shoving pills down my throat. That did not work. The one thing that I have noticed is that I can help myself when shit like this starts to happen and that is to let out my frustrations then, I feel better but as I said in my post earlier there is no way for me to do that here. So here I am until I get leave sometime next year waiting and hoping that I don't collapse or snap. I'm not worried about collapsing due to the fact that I'm afraid of myself if I snap.

When I get home.

I will be going on a long vacation. I just don't know if I want to fly or drive. I want to put so much more but I'm not going to waste anyones time that reads my blog.

Maybe I'll find a quiet spot in the states and drink my self into a bottle. That isn't good though.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Smear the Queer

I remember playing this game when I was a kid. Time for the questions. Is it socially acceptable for children to play this game today? Or could they be sued? Like a bunch of kids are walking down the street and one kid says "lets play smear the queer" and another kids goes I'm telling my Aunt Frank!" Also why was it when we were playing the game that everyone wanted to be the queer at one point or the other but as soon as someone caught him/her they threw it away (it's kind of like being in the closet)? Now for those of you that haven't heard of the game it goes something like this. Everyone that is playing just stands around and someone throws the ball, balloon, what ever up into the air. Then everyone runs and tries to grab it (becoming queer), then everyone else would chase that person until they caught him/her and jump on, punch, and/or kick that person until they gave it up (but most of the time you would throw it away as soon as you hit the ground) then the cycle would repeat it self either until someone got hurt or everyone got tired of playing the game. Now I'm not being rude or trying to cause any drama about this post I have no problem with homosexuals, gays, or lesbians alike (or not alike) I don't know what you would prefer to be called sorry. This may or may not be a good post but if you look at it like this it may be 'Someone will hear a few kids say they are going to play this game and be offended and possibly try to bring the children and/or parents to court' Now that being America would not surprise me.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Today is a Loss

Yup, nothing new again. I plan on getting a digital camera in the next couple of days since they have a bunch in the PX (post exchange) now. This way perhaps I can get a few pics of the lizards, camel spiders, and maybe a snake if it shows up again. But other then that I still have no clue about much once again. e-mails aren't answered, phones aren't picked up, and time keeps on slippin into the future (did you sing that in your head too I did and I think the artist that did this song stinks but any way). I'm still at a loss for words and what not so there isn't much more from me today except for a haiku I wrote and you can see on http://beerhaikudaily.blogspot.com/ under their August 15, 2005 post. Well post again with an update of me being ok another day since there isn't much to post about right now.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

How Do You Find Out....

What is bringing people to your site through a search engine?

As Confusion Sets In.

That is the best title for one of the worlds most confused people. Me. I don't know why but it's better then being depressed, so there is an upside to being confused. It seams harder to become angry or happy for that matter.

Any Hoo- Everything has been quiet. I'm ok other then last night at the gym I was doing an overhead press and my right shoulder popped out then went right back in with the weight on it. Needless to say I'm really sore today and that was my first exercise in the gym. All day I've been favoring my arm hoping that the pain will stop or go away. I saw the Docs and there isn't shit they could do about it other then what I'm already doing. This incident isn't going to help the tendanitus I have now is it.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I'm Not a Political Person But.....



First Arnold for Govener of California. Now Christopher Walken running for President in 2008? Did you know that his real first name is Ronald? Wow I don't know where this is coming from but I've read his whole campaign site. Hell I don't even know if it's real or not. I really don't know what to make of it at this point other then WOW.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Well.... I Enjoy Looking Through Blogs..... Until

I come across some dickbags blog saying I hate the troops! This is the second blog that I came across today that said that. Now People Please Think..... Your sleeping good at night why? Your virtually worry free at home why? You enjoy freedom. Why? THANK A SOLDIER!

I'm not a political person I really don't follow politics and when I see blogs about them i usually skip over them but when I get about half a paragraph down and it says I hate the troops that's just fucked up to say.

There have been many wars over time WWI, WWII, Korea. Everyone was thanking the troops. But since Vietnam people have been spitting on us and calling us baby killers and shit like that. Listen up. Alot of us (meaning the troops) don't want to hear that kind of stuff. Because of the simple fact that... We are here because we were ordered to be here. Yes I will say that I joined the military in 1998. I don't mind what I do. When I come home I really hope not to have anyone call me a baby killer let alone spit on me it won't be pretty.



Oh Yea!!! Don't forget your cup of shut the fuck up at the door.

Well....

This is the post of well.... today. I'm a little happier with alot of things but when your mind starts making up it's own at times then it seams people change it, it confuses the hell out of me and now I'm confused. So this is more or less the I'm ok post of the past few days. Ok, I'm lost now.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

First Off

I would like to thank everyone for their words of encouragement. One of the previous issues about being on the middle shift in my room seams to be getting resolved. Which means Brian and I will get a chance to actually live in our room and not just sleep. One of the soldiers will be moving out and moving in with some of the soldiers from his shift which means when we wake up in the afternoon hours we will be able to put on the TV watch a movie, listen to music, and actually arange out living space so that we have a better grasp on where everything is and not just live out of a bag. Also the internet supplies for our room is slowly getting here peice by peice. Which means online colege courses for me so things are starting to look up. Now one of my hobbies is DJing for those of you that know me. I just ordered another ipod today since I like the ipod and that I can't stand going from Slipknot or Shadows Fall to some type of dance music or something like that. While I was cruzin other peoples blogs I saw a DJing device by Numark that enables you to mix off 2 iPods so if this guy actually moves out I know what I'll be purchacing next. Well that's all for now. I am feeling a little better today plus I'm doing things to keep my mind off that issue. Well till next time.

Mr. Matt

Friday, August 12, 2005

Life Sucks and Shit Happens

These have to be the 2 greatest sayings ever! Because they are true! Life is what you make of it and right now I'm making shit of it therefore it sucks. Granted this was my decision to do this and all but I don't know what's going on any more. I don't want to be here but I also want to go active duty again just because I'm afraid of my civilian life due to the fact that I don't know what the fuck is going on at all anymore. I've lost alot of everything. I don't know how to explain it. I want a better life for my self and as long as I'm here than I can't get much better at all. Plus after my Bosnia deployment NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE would hire me. After 6 months of looking for a job I ended up working at a gas station as an attendent. I even put in a application at walmart and mc donalds I was told at both of those places "You're to qualified to work here" What the fuck does that mean????? ANYONE EXPLAIN THAT TO ME. Please. I know what I want to do when I get back from this deployment and that's get a car and drive. I want to go to college. I want to see a shrink. I want I want I want..... There is so much but so little.

All in all I just want a productive life.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

This Isn't Good.

It's coming back again and I don't know why. I'm eating well, sleeping good, and working out. I know there are people that read blogs for fun and or hobby. But if anyone would actually give me a good explanation of why it's coming back please do. I really dislike depression and how it works. This morning / afternoon when I came into work I was happy and I was bustin' balls as usual and now 6 hours later I feel like crap mentally. Physically I feel fine well a little sore from working out but who knows. I get up in scilence due to the fact that someone else in the room is on a later night shift sleeping, and when I get off work I go to the room in scilence since it's 3 in the morning day shift is sleeping. That's starting to bother me, although I bust Brian's balls while he plays playstation which can get amusing. I just hope I feel better tomorow. I don't want to have to see the docs again because last time they put me on Prozac. I stoped medicating after 2 months because I diden't notice any difference I was still up and down. I just really want to know what's going on.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Little Bitty Thingys

OK First off the flies in Iraq are retarted they fly slow and have a 2 second reaction time. Also I've noticed that there are a large abundance of lizards here as well. These little fuckers only come out at night (at least that's when I notice them) and they climb all over everything I saw one on the wall in the building eariler, a few scurring across the floor, one about 6 inches long tring to come in the front door while I was going to have a smoke, and one it the latrine looking up at me. I don't know anything about these little buggers but I want to know about them before I attempt to catch any and take photos for the blog. Once again the medics had the viper sighting outside the aid station which is bugging me because all the times I go out that door in the course of my work day and I don't see the snake. DAMN!!!! I want to see the snake too... Oh, well I'm sure I will. Any how I had to throw my toothbrush out today and it pissed me off! I was brushing ym teeth and my stupid ass used the fucking faucet to rinse my toothbrush off in (refer here if you need an explanation: http://mjohlandt.blogspot.com/2005/07/coliform-nasty-stuff.html) So I'll have to get another tooth brush tomorow. Till then I'll have stinky breath. I'll just have to deal. Well it's smoke time and I'm currently rolling through all the blogs that I read to read them from begining to end just because I have the time.

Mr. Matt

Monday, August 08, 2005

Disillusional Thoughts

For some crazy reason today while I was in the rest room. I began to think of what kids would think was funny while I was urinating. (I'm sorry I know you don't want to hear about me urinating but it helps make the story). When I was little I used to call my urin weewee or peepee as most do. Now this could possiably work... I plan on tring it with my children if I ever have any of my own or around potty training age. My mom used to take a penny and put it in the toilet and tell me to pee on the penny or a Cheerio and tell me to sink the Cheerio. Now imagine this..... doing something like that with telling your children it is ok to yell WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WEEEEEEEEEEEE while going it will make them laugh and it will disturb the rest of the house but if your not watching him/her then you would know if they went to the bathroom because I'm sure you will hear them through the house. Also it's an effective way to find out if your child would be getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or just sleeping through with a bloated bladder. Hence, the fact that he or she will wake you up.

Well I had saved this as a dravf about an hour ago. I forgot what else I was going to put in with it. Sorry for the partial posting.

Mr. Matt

Sunday, August 07, 2005

I Don't Know What To Put Here.

Any how when I get board I google. I'll google just about anything just to satisfy my quest for useless knowledge. I've googled words, phrases, bands, blogs, trees, birds, snakes, spiders, bad mojo in Iraq, and a bunch of other crap. But there are a few things that I found disturbing about google. When I googled my address it came up with a how to get there and an arial view of my home! That was messed up. Also I googled my phone number it came up with the bill payers information and the address for stalkers and others to google as well. This was a while ago I don't know if it works any longer. I know that some of my fellow bloggers don't like google because "they are taking over the internet" but oh well. Any way I've decided to put ads in the very bottom of my blog to see if I can conjur up some extra cash from clicks. If I do cool if not oh well it's worth a try.

On another note.... It's been quiet here lately (as far as I know) and everything seams kosher. As most of you know I can't really say anything about this place with the possiabilities of getting in trouble. But, for those of you that don't know a soldier was recently repremanded for his blogging. I guess he either put in some important information or a BIG crock of shit. I for one do not know that soldier unless I really do and I just don't know it like that 6 degreese of seperation shit. What's that all about anyway? it's like I know Frank, Frank knows Jill, Jill knows Jess, Jess knows Mitch, and Mitch knows The President? I don't know maybe I'll submit this question to www.burnquest.com a.k.a. The Burning Question.

Being here in Iraq isn't that bad. Except for the fact that I have no beer, time off, or private time. Let me tell you when I get back to the states I'm going to be getting drunk by my self in an apartment somewhere on the couch naked! With the music blairing so I won't hear any damn sirens that might make me want to get up and run for my life just to realize that it's the police in front of the apartment and not a mortar attack. I would rather the cops kick the door in for a noize complaint. Then they would see my naked ass sitting on the couch drunk as hell and they will have to turn down the raido just because when I attempt to get up I'll pretend that I passed out on the floor when I fall on it from not beng able to stand. Ok maybe I won't pretend, maybe I will just pass out.

That's eanough rambling for now.

Later
Mr. Matt

Saturday, August 06, 2005

100 Things About Me

Ok I saw this on Jenny's site and it looked fun.

1. I'm 5'11

2. Redish/Brown Hair

3. Blue eyes

4. 170 lbs

5. In the Army

6. I'm can be an ass hole

7. I can be your best friend in the world

8. I don't have a car anymore

9. I like dogs

10. I equally like cats

11. Horror movies kick ass

12. I can't stand drama movies

13. You can't spell cRap with out Rap

14. If rock is dead then I must be a zombie

15. I eat like a pig

16. But, Gain no or very little weight

17. I think I'm open minded

18. People piss me off

19. Mumbling pisses me off

20. alot of things piss me off

21. I might be closed minded......

22. I enjoy sleeping

23. Nothing is better then a good concert (except good sex)

24. Fast Cars are awsome

25. I hate nascar

26. I've had my septum peirced

27. I have my toung pierced

28. I've only had 2 peircings

29. I have no tattoos yet...

30. I have an extremely addictive personallity

31. I have a sarcastic sence of humor

32. I have done a lot of drugs in the past

33. Jagermeister kicks ass.

34. I'm don't like Blackhouse (the liquor)

35. I don't hunt

36. I'm originally from New Jersey ( I don't like claiming that)

37. I live in Pennsylvania now (when I'm not deployed)

38. I've lived in New York, Georgia, Florida, California, and Mississippi

39. I actually broke my neck when I was a kid, I seperated my vertabre in it.

40. I was in a body cast because of it. (they suck!)

41. I rode the short bus when I was in pre-kindergarten (only because it was the only bus that picked us up)

42. You call them thumb drives, flash memory, ect... I call them Geek Sticks. (I have one that says geek on it)

43. I believe that no matter how hard you try you can't fix stupid.

44. I am Agnostic

45. I have only owned 3 cars in my lifetime. (and mommy and daddy diden't buy any of them for me)

46. I was slapped with responsability when I was 10. (thanks mom and dad)

47. the dad I refer to is my step father

48. I never met my real father. (someone better help him if I do)

49. I like black t-shirts that say silly things

50. I've gone to 2 concerts this year.

51. 1-Mudvayne, Bloodsimple, and someone else I can't remember.

52. 2-Otep, Manntis, Suicide City, and DevilInside

53. I won't be able to go to any concerts until I come home.

54. I don't know when I'm going home just yet.

55. Angry soldiers and live ammo don't mix well.

56. I try to go to the gym every day (somedays I want to others I don't. It's not something I want to do but something I have to do.)

57. I try not to drive fast. (haha yea right, I just don't get caught)

58. I would be a millionaire if I never went to a bar, strip club, or rave.

59. I don't think I'll ever go to a rave again. (I growed up a wittle)

60. I'm 25

61. Act between 20 and 28. (depends on my mood)

62. The first TAPES I ever bought my self was Guns 'n' Roses use your illision 1 and 2

63. The first CD I ever bought was Pearl Jam - Ten

64. I used to collect cards and comics

65. I never figured out how to make a rubber band ball. ( this saddens me)

66. Edgar Allen Poe is outstanding

67. I always have a favorite band but it changes quite often.

68. I don't know what I am afraid of

69. Mmmm.. Yea it's confusing but it's fun

70. Miller Light Good Stuff!

71. I like to sleep.

72. Waking up buggs me unless it's on my own

73. I don't usually eat 3 meals a day

74. There is only a hand full of food I won't eat.

75. But I'll usually try something once if I like it I'll eat it again

76. I have gambled

77. I have won nicely

78. I have lost badly

79. Correction tape is bettter then white out.

80. I don't like coffee.

81. I don't play video games to often

82. I would rather be outside doing something insted of watching TV

83. but, the internet is beter then outside sometimes

84. I have 2 sisters

85. I am the middle child

86. I once was an only child

87. I've had braces

88. I gave my little sister a computer

89. I'll never buy another gateway computer in my life

90. I own no guns of my own

91. I have a couple knifes

92. I once owned a BB Pistol

93. I broke a window in my garage playing street hockey (note to self open door next time)

94. Music choice is way better then MTV ever was or will be!

95. I have never been married

96. I have no kids of my own.

97. I want to produce my own concert event

98. I plan on going to college for a major in marketing - minor in boradcasting

99. I want to own my own my own hard rock club

100. I have donated to paws with a cause (seeing eye dog corp.)

Now that wasen't to hard but it was a little of a pain in the butt.

Friday, August 05, 2005

A Little About Me

For those of you that don't know me. I'm 25 and I was born on Feb. 7 1980. I graduated high school in 1998 and joined the military because I didn't see my self doing anything else with my life and my parents couldn't afford to send me to school. (which I don't blame them they shouldn't have to pay for my education they paid for me for 18 years.) I spent 3 years in the active duty Army and the rest of the time has been National Guard. I spent time in California, Bosnia, and now Iraq. I don't really want to be here but the money is decent and I personally am not in a bad position or harms way all the time. I was looking through some of my blog marks and looking at their sites (which by the way I'm going to fix I posted the links to the sites all wrong but once again I need some time for that.) and I found a 100 things about me posting. It looked pretty fun but I do believe that I'm going to attempt to write down the list before I try to type it out. Pretty soon here I'll be playing with a digital camera (well about a month or so) and I plan on putting more photos on this blog including of me. But as time dies, while I melt in the desert, time will pass quick. Eventually in the past I shall make another entree but till then I will continue to relax and keep my 'head down' so to say.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Guys Will Be Guys

As the title says... It's official the medics here have discovered that a camel spider is living under the aid station. They named him Herb. They have also claimed that they saw a Viper near the aid station that's about 5 feet long. But who knows. Everything is ok with me as I noticed one of my blog readers was concerned... It's just that the internet was down for a day and a half. Until we get out own we'll have the up and downs of the military's internet. But all's well that ends well. It's almost time for work for me to be over for the day. Then it's off to the gym I go and I'll probaly call my mom and say hello. But until I come up with something more interesting I'll type again.

Mr. Matt